Community, Conviction, Challenges

I just want to prepare you if you are reading this that it's not a family update and there probably won't be any cute pictures of the kids at the end. Well, actually there will be because I have a new one of Sam that I've been meaning to post, but my point is that I don't usually use my blog to "journal" or write out what I would usually write only for myself and my Lord to read. However, I have really had a day where my heart is heavy and I feel very burdened, and wanted to share some of my thoughts. I don't know if my hope is that I will feel better, or I might get some comments that make me feel normal when right now I feel like I might be completely alone in some of these things...

Most of my heavy heartedness comes from still adjusting to life here in the deep south. Don't get me wrong I really do love it here and I'm glad to be back "home," but Ben and I have really struggled since we've been back with the whole idea of southern hospitality, and how from our experience coming back here it seems like just words that are said, but not meant.

It seems like it's the expected thing to offer help or to smile when you pass someone in the grocery store, or to ask how someone is doing with no intention whatsoever of listening to their response. We're so busy, and so consumed that we don't even notice other people. I am not saying this about others, I am saying this about myself. I confess to love Christ with all that I am, but I fail to love those that He has created for His glory.

So, we have struggled with being preoccupied ourselves, and we have felt so much like outsiders coming back into this culture. We have been surprised by so many things, and recently we were able to hang out with a couple of families that are from the other side of the world and being with them we felt more comfortable and more welcomed than we have with those that speak and look just like us.

Maybe we're just weird, but the truth is that we came here to really try and love those that are far away from home, or even to just simply make people feel at home in our own home. I think that I will learn to do that by being around those that I am trying to be hospitable to. We have longed for community, and we want it to be one that is diverse, but real and genuine. Heaven, that's where I think that it actually exists. There it will not be tainted with our desire to please men or to not be uncomfortable, but only to be near Jesus and to worship Him!

The sermon this morning has really spurred on these thoughts, and it has truly caused me to search my heart in how I view others. It starts in my home. I get frustrated with my little girl, because she wants me to watch her do everything as I am trying to accomplish my agenda and to-do list for the day. She's not going to be 3 forever, and I need to realize that loving her and loving others is much more important than loving myself!!!

So, if you have read this and you understood any of it please pray for me that I would really let these thoughts sink deeply into my heart. That I would not be critical of others or of different cultures even if it's my own.